Life-Coach-Work-Wife

I’m sitting in the office and I do have things to do
So I make a to do list so I can see what’s there to chew
Expense reports and billbacks, Bank Recs, canceled checks
Eff all that, instead I’ll do a different project

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with Corporate America? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your woes
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, from Moms to CEOs!

Can you help me make a lunch friend?
Or tell me how to behave
When I ask my boss for a bonus
And a pretty hefty raise?

Will you tell me how to self-eval
Without seeming like a douche?
Or maybe how to quit my job
But not give a mean excuse?

Can you help me budget my finances?
Or maybe fix my tire?
Would you maybe sorta kinda
Help me enchant a man with desire?

Can you give me tips on decorating?
Or tell me what to wear?
What should I claim on my taxes?
How do I tone my derriere?

I understand these questions
And I need not your applause
Answers, hugs, love, and help,
Are on the way because…

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with your dating life? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your probs
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, at their homes or in their jobs!

(Pan Flute Solo. Followed by 1.5 minutes of an owl announcing his mating call)

My credentials have been questioned
in the past - I fully see
That a couple years in the working world
Doesn’t give me much authority

The difference, I can assure you
Isn’t in my years at work
Instead it’s that I’m awesome
And, to be blunt, I’m not a jerk

I know why Suzie in Sales
Won’t look at you anymore
I know why there’s a rumor
About Nancy on the third floor

I can tell you if your husband
Is shacking with a hussy
And I think you might want to
Feed the baby – she’s getting fussy

I will love and comfort you
I’ll support you and confide
Teach you all the business jargon
Then we’ll kiss and spoon and cry

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with a nosey neighbor? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your strife
My contribution
Is a working solution
Because that’s what I do as the Life-Coach-Work-Wife!!!

Ooooo yeah
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…

Ooooo baby
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…

Mmm Suga’ Mama
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…