For The Comcast

For The Comcast

(Sung to the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Alejandro')

Spoken: I know that we are young. And I know we are both pretty broke. But I just can't go on being in your debt anymore… For the Comcast.


I just paid bills
I’m almost cashless
But I’ve still one bill to pay, one bill to pa-ay

Want to pay you
And be even
Before the debt gets big, and out of ha-and

You know that I love you, Lady
Hot like Puerto Rico, Crazy
There’s one thing we gotta do – nothing to lose…

I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast
I pull my weight
I pull my weight, bills get paid fast

Don’t wanna hide, when bills are mine
I’d rather pay all of my fines
I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast

For the Comcast
For the Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast


Spoken: Just stop. Please. Just let me pay. For the Comcast. Just let me pay!

Life-Coach-Work-Wife

I’m sitting in the office and I do have things to do
So I make a to do list so I can see what’s there to chew
Expense reports and billbacks, Bank Recs, canceled checks
Eff all that, instead I’ll do a different project

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with Corporate America? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your woes
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, from Moms to CEOs!

Can you help me make a lunch friend?
Or tell me how to behave
When I ask my boss for a bonus
And a pretty hefty raise?

Will you tell me how to self-eval
Without seeming like a douche?
Or maybe how to quit my job
But not give a mean excuse?

Can you help me budget my finances?
Or maybe fix my tire?
Would you maybe sorta kinda
Help me enchant a man with desire?

Can you give me tips on decorating?
Or tell me what to wear?
What should I claim on my taxes?
How do I tone my derriere?

I understand these questions
And I need not your applause
Answers, hugs, love, and help,
Are on the way because…

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with your dating life? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your probs
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, at their homes or in their jobs!

(Pan Flute Solo. Followed by 1.5 minutes of an owl announcing his mating call)

My credentials have been questioned
in the past - I fully see
That a couple years in the working world
Doesn’t give me much authority

The difference, I can assure you
Isn’t in my years at work
Instead it’s that I’m awesome
And, to be blunt, I’m not a jerk

I know why Suzie in Sales
Won’t look at you anymore
I know why there’s a rumor
About Nancy on the third floor

I can tell you if your husband
Is shacking with a hussy
And I think you might want to
Feed the baby – she’s getting fussy

I will love and comfort you
I’ll support you and confide
Teach you all the business jargon
Then we’ll kiss and spoon and cry

I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with a nosey neighbor? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your strife
My contribution
Is a working solution
Because that’s what I do as the Life-Coach-Work-Wife!!!

Ooooo yeah
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…

Ooooo baby
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…

Mmm Suga’ Mama
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…

Baby Puppy Bunny

The deadline is approaching, there isn’t enough time
You need to get your stuff done so the commercial can go live
Your boss in a frenzy, mumbling expletives so crude
Cuz others weren’t notified and now he knows he’s screwed

Hey!

Amanda’s getting nervous knowing she might be in a pickle
All she heard was boss say ‘HMMM’ and know her knees begin to buckle
She thinks she pissed off boss man or got JBE in trubs
For not knowing what was going on – only a minor flub

Whoa!

She wants to cry but does not. She wants to hide but will not.
Instead she tries to solve this situation and do as she aught.
BUT - Manda comes to realize this pickle isn’t hers
Cuz bossy was supposed to tell the other busy beavers

Hollah!

That resources were needed and needed with more time
But instead he muttered bad words and made baby Jesus cry
So even though this matter happened not cuz Amanda sucked
She’s still a little shaky that this project almost was a bust

Teriyaki!

So seeing that my friend was now okay but still distraught
I Google searched a photo to find her a happy thought
The moral of the story is, dear friends, when in doubt
Google ‘baby puppy bunny’ for the Alpha Scout.