Finally paid my bills, bills
Ain’t got no bling for chillz chillz
FML for realz, realz
Leave me feelin illz illz
I aint gonna stress-y stress
Not leavin you a messy mess
Payin so you can rest-y rest
Or leaving cash in a nest-y nest
Til the next time bills add up
We can use this credit cup
Girl you know this is all up
To you, so wuchu want?
Friday, November 5, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
For The Comcast
For The Comcast
(Sung to the tune of Lady Gaga's 'Alejandro')
Spoken: I know that we are young. And I know we are both pretty broke. But I just can't go on being in your debt anymore… For the Comcast.
I just paid bills
I’m almost cashless
But I’ve still one bill to pay, one bill to pa-ay
Want to pay you
And be even
Before the debt gets big, and out of ha-and
You know that I love you, Lady
Hot like Puerto Rico, Crazy
There’s one thing we gotta do – nothing to lose…
I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast
I pull my weight
I pull my weight, bills get paid fast
Don’t wanna hide, when bills are mine
I’d rather pay all of my fines
I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast
For the Comcast
For the Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast
Spoken: Just stop. Please. Just let me pay. For the Comcast. Just let me pay!
Spoken: I know that we are young. And I know we are both pretty broke. But I just can't go on being in your debt anymore… For the Comcast.
I just paid bills
I’m almost cashless
But I’ve still one bill to pay, one bill to pa-ay
Want to pay you
And be even
Before the debt gets big, and out of ha-and
You know that I love you, Lady
Hot like Puerto Rico, Crazy
There’s one thing we gotta do – nothing to lose…
I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast
I pull my weight
I pull my weight, bills get paid fast
Don’t wanna hide, when bills are mine
I’d rather pay all of my fines
I wanna pay
My share today, for the Comcast
For the Comcast
For the Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast
Commy-Commy-Comcast
Spoken: Just stop. Please. Just let me pay. For the Comcast. Just let me pay!
Friday, June 4, 2010
Life-Coach-Work-Wife
I’m sitting in the office and I do have things to do
So I make a to do list so I can see what’s there to chew
Expense reports and billbacks, Bank Recs, canceled checks
Eff all that, instead I’ll do a different project
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with Corporate America? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your woes
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, from Moms to CEOs!
Can you help me make a lunch friend?
Or tell me how to behave
When I ask my boss for a bonus
And a pretty hefty raise?
Will you tell me how to self-eval
Without seeming like a douche?
Or maybe how to quit my job
But not give a mean excuse?
Can you help me budget my finances?
Or maybe fix my tire?
Would you maybe sorta kinda
Help me enchant a man with desire?
Can you give me tips on decorating?
Or tell me what to wear?
What should I claim on my taxes?
How do I tone my derriere?
I understand these questions
And I need not your applause
Answers, hugs, love, and help,
Are on the way because…
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with your dating life? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your probs
My contribution
Is a working solution
For all people, at their homes or in their jobs!
(Pan Flute Solo. Followed by 1.5 minutes of an owl announcing his mating call)
My credentials have been questioned
in the past - I fully see
That a couple years in the working world
Doesn’t give me much authority
The difference, I can assure you
Isn’t in my years at work
Instead it’s that I’m awesome
And, to be blunt, I’m not a jerk
I know why Suzie in Sales
Won’t look at you anymore
I know why there’s a rumor
About Nancy on the third floor
I can tell you if your husband
Is shacking with a hussy
And I think you might want to
Feed the baby – she’s getting fussy
I will love and comfort you
I’ll support you and confide
Teach you all the business jargon
Then we’ll kiss and spoon and cry
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife and don’t you forget it
Trouble with a nosey neighbor? No worries – don’t you sweat it
I’m the Life-Coach-Work-Wife, I’m here for all your strife
My contribution
Is a working solution
Because that’s what I do as the Life-Coach-Work-Wife!!!
Ooooo yeah
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…
Ooooo baby
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…
Mmm Suga’ Mama
Coachin’ your life
Bein’ your wife…
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Baby Puppy Bunny
The deadline is approaching, there isn’t enough time
You need to get your stuff done so the commercial can go live
Your boss in a frenzy, mumbling expletives so crude
Cuz others weren’t notified and now he knows he’s screwed
Hey!
Amanda’s getting nervous knowing she might be in a pickle
All she heard was boss say ‘HMMM’ and know her knees begin to buckle
She thinks she pissed off boss man or got JBE in trubs
For not knowing what was going on – only a minor flub
Whoa!
She wants to cry but does not. She wants to hide but will not.
Instead she tries to solve this situation and do as she aught.
BUT - Manda comes to realize this pickle isn’t hers
Cuz bossy was supposed to tell the other busy beavers
Hollah!
That resources were needed and needed with more time
But instead he muttered bad words and made baby Jesus cry
So even though this matter happened not cuz Amanda sucked
She’s still a little shaky that this project almost was a bust
Teriyaki!
So seeing that my friend was now okay but still distraught
I Google searched a photo to find her a happy thought
The moral of the story is, dear friends, when in doubt
Google ‘baby puppy bunny’ for the Alpha Scout.
You need to get your stuff done so the commercial can go live
Your boss in a frenzy, mumbling expletives so crude
Cuz others weren’t notified and now he knows he’s screwed
Hey!
Amanda’s getting nervous knowing she might be in a pickle
All she heard was boss say ‘HMMM’ and know her knees begin to buckle
She thinks she pissed off boss man or got JBE in trubs
For not knowing what was going on – only a minor flub
Whoa!
She wants to cry but does not. She wants to hide but will not.
Instead she tries to solve this situation and do as she aught.
BUT - Manda comes to realize this pickle isn’t hers
Cuz bossy was supposed to tell the other busy beavers
Hollah!
That resources were needed and needed with more time
But instead he muttered bad words and made baby Jesus cry
So even though this matter happened not cuz Amanda sucked
She’s still a little shaky that this project almost was a bust
Teriyaki!
So seeing that my friend was now okay but still distraught
I Google searched a photo to find her a happy thought
The moral of the story is, dear friends, when in doubt
Google ‘baby puppy bunny’ for the Alpha Scout.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Mirage Baby
Sounds of wind rustling through trees opens before the first verse. “Mirage Baby” whispered 3x
Verse 1:
In the depths of the shadows
In the haunting of the night
Where the whispers reach and pull you
To keep your soul out of your sight
Off in the far distance
You can see him drawing near
And he crawls his way closer
Charging into this frontier
Approaching at a rapid pace
Your eyes lock – This moment’s dire
You look him over, what a sight!
Wait… is that a pacifier?
Chorus:
Oh, he’s tiny and adorable
You want to cuddle this reality
But he is not as he appears
For he is nothing but a fantasy
Inverted reflections of different objects
Are why you think there’s a diaper to change
But even if you are in denial
No one’s there… It’s just a Mirage Baby
(whispered: Mirage Baby 4x)
Verse 2:
You run to him with much excitement
You see a diaper, hear a babble
But don’t be fooled as you advance
Or as you watch him shake his rattle
So pure and innocent you think of him
But beware of this manifestation
As he draws near it will become clear
That you’ll only have devastation
Much like you drank too much wine
And are drunk off your sauvignon
There is no babe, you vile knave!
Just an optical phenomenon
Chorus:
Oh, he’s tiny and adorable
You want to cuddle this reality
But he is not as he appears
For he is nothing but a fantasy
Inverted reflections of different objects
Are why you think there’s a diaper to change
But even if you are in denial
No one’s there… It’s just a Mirage Baby
Bridge: (Spoken quickly, staccato)
He’s only there to toy with you
Suck you in with giggles and coos
Remind you of your ticking clock
Make you wanna grow as fast as Jack’s beanstalk
You’d better hide, You’d better run,
If I were you, I’d get out of the sun
I’d also hydrate exorbitantly
Cuz he’s nothing more than… a mirage baby…
Chorus 2x
Don’t you trust it… Mirage Baby
Verse 1:
In the depths of the shadows
In the haunting of the night
Where the whispers reach and pull you
To keep your soul out of your sight
Off in the far distance
You can see him drawing near
And he crawls his way closer
Charging into this frontier
Approaching at a rapid pace
Your eyes lock – This moment’s dire
You look him over, what a sight!
Wait… is that a pacifier?
Chorus:
Oh, he’s tiny and adorable
You want to cuddle this reality
But he is not as he appears
For he is nothing but a fantasy
Inverted reflections of different objects
Are why you think there’s a diaper to change
But even if you are in denial
No one’s there… It’s just a Mirage Baby
(whispered: Mirage Baby 4x)
Verse 2:
You run to him with much excitement
You see a diaper, hear a babble
But don’t be fooled as you advance
Or as you watch him shake his rattle
So pure and innocent you think of him
But beware of this manifestation
As he draws near it will become clear
That you’ll only have devastation
Much like you drank too much wine
And are drunk off your sauvignon
There is no babe, you vile knave!
Just an optical phenomenon
Chorus:
Oh, he’s tiny and adorable
You want to cuddle this reality
But he is not as he appears
For he is nothing but a fantasy
Inverted reflections of different objects
Are why you think there’s a diaper to change
But even if you are in denial
No one’s there… It’s just a Mirage Baby
Bridge: (Spoken quickly, staccato)
He’s only there to toy with you
Suck you in with giggles and coos
Remind you of your ticking clock
Make you wanna grow as fast as Jack’s beanstalk
You’d better hide, You’d better run,
If I were you, I’d get out of the sun
I’d also hydrate exorbitantly
Cuz he’s nothing more than… a mirage baby…
Chorus 2x
Don’t you trust it… Mirage Baby
"Acne Medication is Overrated"
Oooooooooo....
Toothpaste
You save my face,
You stop acne
All over the plaaaaace!
Toothpaste,
Toothpaste,
Pimples gone -
...post haste!
You work so well, toothpaaaaaaste!!
Toothpaste
You save my face,
You stop acne
All over the plaaaaace!
Toothpaste,
Toothpaste,
Pimples gone -
...post haste!
You work so well, toothpaaaaaaste!!
Friday, March 19, 2010
Original Song - Amanda's New Job Sitcom
Just looking for a job, got some skills,
Dont know what I'm doing, but I wanna get paid!
Find a company, that likes me for me,
But they don't know that I dont know how to do banners.
(It's like I'm)
A (con) aaaartist!
A (con) aaaartist!
I pulled a fast one on them and they have no idea!
A (con) aaaartist!
A (con) aaaartist!
She will somehow make it
Throuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
:::::::insert clip of Amanda shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head like she messed something up and then crossing her arms across her chest 90's style like she's super cool:::::::
Dont know what I'm doing, but I wanna get paid!
Find a company, that likes me for me,
But they don't know that I dont know how to do banners.
(It's like I'm)
A (con) aaaartist!
A (con) aaaartist!
I pulled a fast one on them and they have no idea!
A (con) aaaartist!
A (con) aaaartist!
She will somehow make it
Throuuuuuuuuuuuugh
Theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!
:::::::insert clip of Amanda shrugging her shoulders and shaking her head like she messed something up and then crossing her arms across her chest 90's style like she's super cool:::::::
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